When one dog dies

[Jool]

Advice please from someone who has experienced this. We have two wonderful dogs, one is 13 and very laid back, the other just 5.....the 5 year old learned to be a dog from our 13 year old and was so traumatised when we got him it took him 2 years to feel safe around any men, whereas now he is confident and relaxed.

So what´s the problem? He is deeply bonded to our older dog and cannot be left on his own, ever......we have tried all the approaches including leaving him for 2 minutes etc but he just does not feel safe unless he is with one of us or our other dog....he hyper ventilates, gets sick, shakes, the full works........and then obsessively follows us around the house just as he used to do when he first came to us....... We did think about getting another dog with the right kind of character so that when our older dog dies he will not be on his own but really our older dog would not appreciate another dog, especially a younger one, in the house and we want him to have a good old age....... we have tried other dogs coming in as foster basis but he really does not like it...........

So how do we manage this, we are worried our younger dog will literally die of a broken heart as he even gets stressed if he cannot see or get to the other dog when out for a walk........any ideas? Obviously we would not instantly get another puppy as we would all need to grieve but we are trying to plan for the inevitable.....so we are prepared and can give our younger dog the best help

We can´t be the only people who have faced this so are there any ideas anyone, please?

[crazydiamond]

Hi Jool

What a dilemma. I know how you feel though, we went through a very similar situation a few years ago in the UK. We had 2 dogs of similar age, one died, the other was lonely so we went to a rescue centre and found a lovely sweet dog who had been very badly treated but had never been on her own. After a year or so we thought exactly as you, what happens when the older one dies? So, we went back to the rescue centre and this time found another dog who had been neglected but not too badly treated so was more easy going. We were so worried at first and there were a few tense days as they sorted out the pack order but it worked out so well, the younger dog was happy and had a playmate her own age and the older guy had a new lease of life! He enjoyed the company but could also lay back and rest, watching the younger ones play.

So, getting another dog now might work, maybe your older dog senses that the foster dogs are not permanent and a possible threat to his territory? If you explained the situation to your local rescue centre I'm sure they would advise you and help you find an ideal companion that would get on with both dogs.

I hope this helps, let us know what you decide to do and good luck!

[Jool]

THanks for your answer....it is very difficult to decide and in my original post I was so focused on the dogs I forgot the other complication! We also have an elderly cat (18) who is perfectly fine with our dogs but very scared of other dogs, so much so that he runs away when we have foster dogs in that we, so far, have managed to find homes for. He would probably accept a puppy as its small etc but the other two wouldn´t like that as puppies are so time intensive and they would feel left out........

I think you are right the ideal is another dog about the same age but until the cat also wanders off to cat heaven then that is simply not an option........

[geegee]

Hi Jools, regarding the younger dog, I suspect the only way to tackle his fear is to address your own - if you are the remotest bit concerned about leaving him alone he will immediately interpret this as 'negative' energy and lack of leadership that will make him even more fearful and insecure. You need to project a calm, assertive energy combined with positive body language when you leave him alone, at first for short periods as you were doing - but don't give him ANY physical or emotional attention - no fuss, no eye contact, no soothing words - think of something else when you leave the room and when you return - in other words ignore him and the problem completely and utterly during this exercise.

Keep your chin up (literally!) and keep repeating endlessly until he realises that you are not worried, therefore being left on his own must be OK. Fans of 'The Dog Whisperer's' brand of dog psychology will recognise these tecniques -its fascinating and is really working for me in tackling my own dog's fear - in this instance of other dogs. As a result of me projecting this assertive energy, ignoring her fear and the other dog, keeping on walking as if nothing was the matter, she is gradually getting braver, beginning to play with other dogs in the park rather than run away and is now calmly walking past two huge, fierce and very vocal dogs on chains that previously terrified the life out of her. Now I just have to tackle her obsession with chasing cars - I do wish she was frightened of these!

On the subject of introducing a new dog - I don't think this is wise until you have resolved the younger one's fears. Add in the extra complications of an elderly cat, elderly dog, a sad and then grieving owner before/after death of elderly dog - I would definitely vote to hold off!

[Jool]

Hi thanks....I have absolutely no concerns about leaving him alone as we left our older dog on his own for years....I really wish he was calm enough but he is a trauma king, even loud noises when I am away from the house freak him out yet if I´m here he will sleep through them so long as he is close to me...........if he is in another room he is dreadful. We have tried leaving him with other people in a different room in the house, closing the door on him etc when in yet he just cries and sobs (if a dog can) outside the door until I relent as he gets increasingly distressed and almost hysterical.

I love the Dog Whisperer (I would love his job) and have tried the ignoring thing and never make a fuss when I leave or come back and he will happily go off to the room where he is left but then gets distressed once he is actually left.........and these techniques have worked with other things like not being scared of strangers, spanish voices, other dogs etc etc, he is seen by all as a calm happy relaxed dog but quick to panic to jumpy at anything unexpected. Its just the leaving thing.......and I really am matter of fact and every day normal about it (I go out every day minimum often several times a day, no time to fuss about it). They even have the AC left om in the summer so i know they are in luxury when we are out! They are sent in to the room with their beds, water, comfy chairs etc...and go calmly and happily, and sometimes can be deeply asleep when we get back so they don´t hear us until we are in the house, but if on his own....not a hope of this. He will go in the room fine and calmly but be hysterical before we are even out of the front door. I do give them fuss when we get back but only in calm way, not excited but he bounces around like a yo yo............do you think I should ignore him at that time (not easy as he is very persistent)? Maybe I am too alpha and he only feels safe with me (he is macho and not castrated) ....is that possible, OMG.......

[geegee]

Hi jools, sorry for delayed response, does sound as if its a really tricky problem you have, dog whisperer techniques aside - I am obsessed with the programme and glad to find a fellow fan!! They do say to ignore on your return to the house so they don't get to associate this with being in a heightened state - but its really hard, when its natural to at least say hello. It does sound like a case for a doggy psychologist - have you tried seeking the help of a dog handler/trainer?

[Jool]

Thanks for replying again. There isn´t a dog psych around here anymore and the one there was told me how well I´d done in nurturing a relaxed dog after the way he was at the beginning.......and he is not a problem at the moment at all, I´m just anticipating and wanting to be prepared.....

Of course it is rude not to say hello and he is always mega excited when I get back from anywhere but I only pay attention to him when he has calmed down a bit......

I´m glad to meet a DW nut too, what a great job that man has, I´d love his impact.......