abandon

[joesy]

i moved out here in may last year with my 16 year old special needs daughter my husband stayed in uk and comuted till his job ended in uk in december .he arrived and said he had new job here in spain in bobadila nere the coast ,he left to start his job in january 2nd we have not seen him since , i then found out he had emptied the bank account ,not paid our mortagae at all and run up 40,000 plus in debts in uk ,i have contacted uk to give them his where abouts but told if he stays here for 5 years his debts are squashed ,he is on a very good wage , i carnt stay here as i have no money im been kept by the church here , i can not find work as i dont speak the lingo, i carnt go back to uk as iv been told im responsible for his debts as im married to him,and that i wont get help in uk ,housein ect as im a resident here im at a total loss ,any advise would be welcome as im at a loss as to what i can do , has this happend to any one else ?

[lizzie]

There will be a social worker attending your local medical centre at least twice a week. Make an appointment to see him/her. If your Spanish is not too good try to take an interpreter with you. Failing that write down all your concerns and run them through Babel fish or something similar. Also I think speaking to a solicitor would be a good idea. Spanish law does not smile on men who abandon their families. Good luck, you have done really well to manage alone since January .

[spanish_lad]

move to the coast, get a bar job ?

go back to the uk ?

not sure what to say here, im sure theres a concerned grandma that will help with costs of flights / somewhere to stay in the uk for a while ?

[malagaman2005]

i moved out here in may last year with my 16 year old special needs daughter my husband stayed in uk and comuted till his job ended in uk in december .he arrived and said he had new job here in spain in bobadila nere the coast ,he left to start his job in january 2nd we have not seen him since , i then found out he had emptied the bank account ,not paid our mortagae at all and run up 40,000 plus in debts in uk ,i have contacted uk to give them his where abouts but told if he stays here for 5 years his debts are squashed ,he is on a very good wage , i carnt stay here as i have no money im been kept by the church here , i can not find work as i dont speak the lingo, i carnt go back to uk as iv been told im responsible for his debts as im married to him,and that i wont get help in uk ,housein ect as im a resident here im at a total loss ,any advise would be welcome as im at a loss as to what i can do , has this happend to any one else ?

Is it just me or do I smell a rat here? 7 months is a long time to be in the 'dark' I apologise if I'm wrong but this post seems very 'iffy'

[wagon ropes]

Does seem a bit dodgy. Especially as I believe that partners are no longer liable for each others debts in the UK and surely the church would know that?

[costagirl]

Having read the post I have to agree with the last two posters. Something does not sound right.

[lyndajo]

I know the person concerned and I can assure you that she is genuine and her position is dire.

[joesy]

thankyou for your all for your coments and trust hope it never happens to you ,im not a young mum nor am i stupid ,no granparants or family waiting back in uk ,been down every road to no avail just thought there may be some nice people on here to talk to WRONG,

[BENIDORM]

Joesy,
Sorry to see that you haven't been received very well on the forum.

Please understand that there has been so many spoof postings lately, that it has made many members reluctant to become involved.
It doesn't mean that they don't care, they are just wary.

If your situation is as you say you must be at your wits end, but regretfully I'm neither qualified or in any position to help you.
I do think however that you really need to seek professional advice, and maybe you should try and contact a lawyer, I know that many will give you at least an initial appointment without charge.
I wish you well,
Regards,
Gordon

[gerryh]

Joesy
I agree with all Gordon says, there are far too many spoof emails circulating.

Assuming you are genuine.
I don't think the fact you have been in Spain since last May will affect any benefits you are entitled to in the UK particularly if you don't tell them you have been in Spain since last May.
Being a resident in Spain, I don't think, should make any difference. You and your daughter are still UK citizens.
Do you want to stay in Spain or return to the UK?
Do you have any family or freinds who will lend you or give you the money to return to the UK?
The UK consulate will, in emergencies, lend you the money to return to the UK.
If you return to the UK go and see your local Citizens Advice Bureau, they will tell you what emergency aid and benefits you are entitled to.
Even if you are held responsible for your husband's debts there is very little any body can get money off you if you don't have any.

If I've been giving you duff advice then this reply might spur somebody into giving you good advice.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

Cheers
Gerry

[crazyred]

What a terribly unfeeling, suspicious lot you are

I'm amazed at the level of paranoia going on on this site at the moment. Some of you have obviously lead such blessed and sheltered lives that you've never had to ask for help and advice from anyone, lucky lot!!

Josie, I believe you and feel for you. My advise would be the same as Lizzie's, but go to your local Ayuntamiento office and let them know what is going on. They can help you to sort out housing, help with food and help to get your husband into a court and paying you some maintenance. They can also provide you with a state employed solicitor. They could also help you with work (and possibly the lingo) as there are jobs that you can do which don't involve speaking Spanish. They may also be able to help you to move to an area where there are more prospects for you.

Can you contact any of your husband's family (if there are any) and get them to shame him into facing his responsibilities?

Good Luck and let us know how you get on, by PM if you feel more comfortable.

[masterob]

gerryh said

...I don't think the fact you have been in Spain since last May will affect any benefits you are entitled to in the UK particularly if you don't tell them you have been in Spain since last May.

Gerry, I would have thought the lady is in enough trouble without adding fraud to the list!

[joesy]

thankyou to the kinder people on this site for your advise

[lyndajo]

As I said before, I know this lady. I have seen the situation unfold around her over the months. It is difficult for me to say too much as it is not my story to tell, but she has given a much condensed version of events. Many of you would not believe half of what has happened to her, or the kind of person her husband has turned out to be.

Much, if not all of your advice, crazyred, she has already followed. She hasn't just been sitting with her head in her hands. But she really is caught between a rock and a hard place at the moment, and I know that some of the comments would have deeply upset her, as she is very vulnerable at the moment.

She came on this forum in the hope that someone may come up with another thought/idea that she or others hadn't thought of... that's all. I will say that, unfortunately, family help is not an option. The help that she has received from the Church and other groups in this small town is quite something. BUT the help only goes so far. She knows she has to make a decision....stay here or go back to UK. Yes, she can get help this end for flight to UK. Then what? She and her daughter will be at the airport, with suitcases........and NOTHING else, literally. So what does she do then? That is the thought that terrifies her. At the moment, here she has a roof over her head, but for how long? Although with the help she is receiving, she could probably, eventually, turn things around.However, there is her daughter to consider and, at the moment, her daughter wants to go back to the UK. But she does not, cannot, understand or appreciate that when they get off that plane, they have nowhere to go, and no money to get there!

Nothing much can change either way until she makes a decision. She knows that. You know, it sounds relatively easy when put in black and white.....make a decision. But that is what she is finding difficult as, I'm sure some of you will understand, the last 6 - 9 months have taken their toll.

Hopefully, I shall see her today and find out if anything has come up.

[silver]

Go to your town hall and find out where your local Instituto Andaluz de la Mujer is..then take your problem to them.

[Raquel]

The help she is recieving from the church is all good and well but she can not continue like this. How is she paying her rent, bills?

I think she has no choice than to return to the UK, there she will be looked after and she can get back on her own two feet and support herself and daughter.

She can go to the council and they will pay for her to be placed in temp accomodation, perhaps a B and B or temporary flat. It may not be ideal but it will give her a chance to improve her situation.

Contact Shelter before leaving Spain and explain her situation.

[lyndajo]

Actually, she will receive no help. She has been told this. As long as she has a house here, if she goes back to UK, she will be classed as "having made herself homeless" and will therefore be entitled to nothing. Her mortgage and bills are not being paid.

I don't really want to say much more, it's for josey to say more if she wants, but she is havng a bd day today. As I said, it's not my place to say all, it's her business. I really just wanted you all to understand that her plight is genuine, and she is trying every avenue, but the solution is not as simple, and as black and white, as some people would think. But I know she is appreciative of those here who have tried to help.

Time for me I think to bow out and leave it to her to communicate further if she wishes.

[Retro P]

i moved out here in may last year with my 16 year old special needs daughter my husband stayed in uk and comuted till his job ended in uk in december .he arrived and said he had new job here in spain in bobadila nere the coast ,he left to start his job in january 2nd we have not seen him since , i then found out he had emptied the bank account ,not paid our mortagae at all and run up 40,000 plus in debts in uk ,i have contacted uk to give them his where abouts but told if he stays here for 5 years his debts are squashed ,he is on a very good wage , i carnt stay here as i have no money im been kept by the church here , i can not find work as i dont speak the lingo, i carnt go back to uk as iv been told im responsible for his debts as im married to him,and that i wont get help in uk ,housein ect as im a resident here im at a total loss ,any advise would be welcome as im at a loss as to what i can do , has this happend to any one else ?

Is it just me or do I smell a rat here? 7 months is a long time to be in the 'dark' I apologise if I'm wrong but this post seems very 'iffy'

A number of posters on this forum have accused me of "attacking" newbies, the truth is I can spot (and often have done) a wind up a mile away, nevertheless there will be some here who will be sympathetic, only because they need to be
What you can smell here is the biggest rat you will ever come across, what pi55es me off is that the moderators apparently do not have the same sense of smell

[gerryh]

Actually, she will receive no help. She has been told this.
As long as she has a house here, if she goes back to UK, she will be classed as "having made herself homeless" and will therefore be entitled to nothing. Her mortgage and bills are not being paid.

.

Who has told her she will receive no help?
Does she own the house in Spain?
I beginning to think Retro P is correct and this is a wind up

Cheers
Gerry

[lyndajo]

Well, retro p, I'm sorry you feel like that. Alcaudete is a small town, and it would be very easy to check with the church. Even the Guardia Civil is aware of her situation as she took out a denuncia on her husband. What on earth has she, or me for that matter, have to gain by this. She was only asking for advice, that's all.