stupid things i have heard from expats

[patchdog]

On the same lines Scampicat, an expat told me that it was cruel to fence in her rotweiller dog just because it had killed a goat and chased some horses.

An expat shouted across a crowded bar, and your an *beep* too.

[scampicat]

Another stupid remark my husband has just reminded me of...

'I've just bought a ruin with 500 olive trees!'

[Colinm]

Another stupid remark my husband has just reminded me of...

'I've just bought a ruin with 500 olive trees!'

hey Scampi why does your husband remind you of a ruin?

[scampicat]

Another stupid remark my husband has just reminded me of...

'I've just bought a ruin with 500 olive trees!'

hey Scampi why does your husband remind you of a ruin?

Well he IS 60 in January!!!!

[peteroldracer]

We know someone of 'mature years' who signed up for 20 hours per month of Spanish lessons having just moved here, but said they would only need to go for a year as then they would be fluent...and in any case she would learn loads from the local builder who came to play chess with her husband for an hour a week! Needless to say, they do not have Spanish telly, never read a Spanish newspaper, and have no near neighbours apart from a British t.v. installer!

[fincalospinos]

Why are all spanish dogs called Benaqui ?

[kexon]

A friend of mine who lives in the uk and thinks she knows everything! Spanish is a really easy language to learn,so I can order the beers in spanish! "Three cervezas please barman!",yeah right! She couldnt understand why we were doubled up with laughter!!

[princess peach]

tourists make me laugh..they think if they speak english slow enough to a local they will understand it more than if it was spoke to them normally.doughnuts.

[JAKE M]

Or, "why are there so many rivers with the same name?" as in "RIO SECO?"

[katy]

A friend came on holiday and travelled on the local train to Torremolinos. As they got off the train she said "oh no! this isn't it, it's SALIDA" so they got back on the train and arrived in Málaga

[costachick]

Why are all spanish dogs called Benaqui ?

Quality..

When I first moved here I couldn't work out why all the men had the same name `Vecino'..

[oliveview01]

I can´t talk, I once asked the animal food man for a sack of food for a cebolla instead of a caballo, I could not work out why he didn´t know what I wanted- in the end he showed me a photo of animals. The penny then dropped

[anis]

....and in the early days, I once asked for half a lorry load of young boys, at my local builders yard, when trying to order some gravel for a suprise garden project for my husband when he was away on business
When I quickly realised my mistake, having been met with bemused, smothered giggles, I fell about laughing with the other men in the yard !!!

[oliveview01]

I told the Spanish neighbour I was *hot* meaning very warm...... they explained the expression I used meant I was *sexy* I said to them I might be *hot * Not sure they believed me though

[scampicat]

My husband once asked for three dogs for his stew (perros/puerros (leeks).

I once told a mechanic my garage had no power (cochera/coche).

And I found it quite interesting that even the smallest village had a cement factory (cementerio)

The best one is from some friends of mine. When they first arrived here, they ordered a cooker (cochina), a car (coche) and some curtains (cortinas).

A phone called arrive to say one of them was ready for collection, they thought it was the car. The Renault dealer looked baffled when they turned up at the garage and said, no, it had not arrived yet.

Next day, the same phone call, so they went to collect their cooker and got the same baffled look.

Following day they were phoned again. This time they did hear the word 'cortina'. My friend said into the phone 'Cortina? I ordered a Renault Kangoo!'.

They eventually collected their curtains and apologised that it had been necessary to phone them three times!

[oliveview01]

While house hunting the Spanish agent who was taking us about asked us if we wanted the house to be ´have a table´ (habitable) hubby replied, quite seriously, ´it´s ok we have our own furniture´ All day I was laughing at hubbys reply....... you had to be there to see the funny side I guess

[frog]

a young lady that used to work for me,swedish,had just moved here,the only thing she liked to drink was cider

she spent the first year going into bars saying in her best spanish
'tienes sida'

i think that she was asking if the barman had aids,cider is sidra

or something like that,those were the days,drunk swedish birds working for me

[greyhound]

Ok our confessions:-

I said I have 40 "bottoms" instead of 40 years and my other half ordered a donkey instead of a cigar both as you can imagine caused lots of laughs

[peteroldracer]

Few years ago, in a furniture shop on the Malaga Poligono, English woman (with paper crib sheet in hand), looking at a large chest of drawers, said to the young Spanish salesman "tiene grandes cojones" !
He did very well keeping the grin under control as he nodded in agreement...

[Wicksey]

My dear friend was trying to make conversation in a builders merchants yard a few years back, asking when the new 'carretera' was going to be opened that was by-passing the village. The Spanish man was looking very puzzled as my friend kept asking the same question (you know what it's like - you try and speak really clearly, putting the emphasis in the right place, but still they don't understand!). Eventually, the shop owner said 'un momento' ... disappeared out the back and returned with a bright yellow, shiny new wheelbarrow ... carretilla!

At least we are trying to speak Spanish ... nothing annoys me more than those who have lived here for years but seem to be proud of the fact they don't speak or understand a word of Spanish, then moan when they phone Telefonica and have to wait to speak to someone that speaks English (and they are often the ones that are always commenting on how many 'foreigners' there are in the UK ).