she wants to go back to UK

[pietree]

How awful, I would remind her all the bad things in the Uk that made you want to get out, and point out that it´s only worse now thanks to all this recession stuff. If you thought it was bad before, it´s only gotten worse

[lulubel]

How are things going, patchdog?

I've only just found this thread, and thought I should post, as we've been in a very similar situation (although not been in Spain nearly as long).

We lived in Cornwall before we came here. I'm happy with the move to Spain, and have never looked back. My partner has spent our whole year here homesick for Cornwall and her family. We've come close to going our separate ways a few times, but neither of us would be parted from the cats!

You haven't said why she wants to go back, and I think that's relevant. My partner was feeling very isolated living in the campo inland in Malaga province and couldn't see any way to be happy again other than going back to Cornwall. We've since moved to the outskirts of a town where there's loads to do, and lots of people of various nationalities around. She still misses her family, but we've only been here 10 days and she already says she's feeling much happier.

Are you sure it's really the UK your partner wants, and there isn't something else making her want to move?

[patchdog]

Dunno.

[Beachcomber]

May I be the first to extol the virtues of your highly intelligent and enlightening response.

[Mowser]

Patchdog

Have you asked her?

[Julie]

Maybe she would be better off without you, maybe she just needs someone to communicate with

[frank]

Friends and ex neighbours of ours moved to Portugal 2 years ago, without having done any real homework prior to going. She has been back a few times, and told us if anything was to happen to hubby, she'd be back on the first plane. She has complained of the freezing winters, and the last two months, in excess of 40º. She sent us a text, go on skype, we have something to tell you. We both knew what was coming, yes, they are coming home! Well, they will be when they can sell their house, which they realise could take a few years. The husband says he would have been happy to stay, but if she isn´t happy there, they´ll come home.

[katy]

Not sure why but out of all the people I have known who have moved to Spain, the men always settle easier than the women.

[Julie]

Katie, its probably because their wifes wait on them hand and foot Lol !

[patchdog]

May I be the first to extol the virtues of your highly intelligent and enlightening response.

Awh,thanks Beechy.

[markwilding]

A couple of years back I was watching one of those programmes about people moving abroad.
There were two couples. One being the mother and father of the wife of the other one.
The two woman were tried to convince the men to up sticks and move from Reading to Spain.
Eventually the men gave in and they all moved to Spain.
Then a year later the Men had settled and were enjoying their new life but the women were not and had started to nag the men to return to the UK
I don't remember if they went back or not

[deb]

My husband has settled really well here and i havent. I feel as though i want to return to the uk. My husband life is so different to mine. He is self employed and out most days for 10 hours working he meets loads of different people. We live in a campo house and i feel so isolated. I cannot get the cofidence to drive on my own, so most days i feel so trapped. My husband has said he will do what ever i want and we have now put the house up for sale. I cannot decide if i would be happier living nearer to a village or if i want to be back in the uk.

[Jool]

Deb, before making a drastic move can I suggest you start driving and get out a bit more? Being able to drive to places and meeting up with others will help you no end, I would go mad here if I did not drive. Why not rent your house out and rent a place near the village as a try out? Selling up could be a drastic and expensive option and not make you any happier.

Good luck

[crazyred]

Maybe Patchdog doesn't want to divulge the intimate details of his personal relationship on a public forum!

Personally I have found it the other way around as I have settled much better than my OH but, I am also happy because I can see that my kids are happy and know that they have a better life with more freedom here. Then again, I couldn't wait to leave the UK and have not been back since Jan 2005 and I have no desire to, even for a visit!!

Deb, I totally agree with Jool. You should try to get out in the car as it is very isolating here without transport. It really isn't much different from driving in the UK. In fact, I find driving less stressful here as there isn't as much traffic (although I am used to driving in Lonon). I was quite nervous about being on the other side of the car and the other side of the road but, you actually adapt very quickly.

[Colinm]

and don't worry about not being able to drive too well, most of the locals can't do it either!

Seriously, you gotta get out more. It doesn't matter where you are located and what country you are in, if you are isolated (or even just feel isolated) you will not be a happy bunny

[kexon]

Spot on about the driving,couldnt agree more,its absolutely essential to drive here,if your really terrified,go out at first during the siesta when the roads are much quieter and get some practice in,its much easier than you think,just persevere,you will feel so much better for it and you will get some of your independance back.I have been there and done it as have many others,so speaking from experience.

[lulubel]

Deb, my partner was in exactly the same situation. She drove a couple of times when we first arrived, but didn't drive again after I was stopped for speeding last November. Now she's terrified of the police. She's talked about driving again now we've got all the paperwork done and the car's on spanish plates, but I don't know whether she will or not. Anyway, it really doesn't matter that much now we've moved.

I second the suggestion to let your house out and rent for a while within walking distance of amenities. It will take the pressure off about driving, which will hopefully relieve some of your anxiety about it, and it will give you a chance to see what life's like when you're not so isolated.

We've also found living in an area with more expats is better for us (although we wouldn't want to live in a "Brit enclave"). Learning spanish and trying to get to know native speakers is all very well, but sometimes you just want to relax and have a chat in your own language without struggling to understand or make yourself understood. Not an issue, of course, if you speak spanish, but I think most of us move over here with limited, if any, language skills.

We moved from 3km outside Riogordo (halfway up a mountain), which is a village inland from Malaga, to the outskirts of Alhaurin el Grande, about 15 minutes walk from shops and restaurants. It's been less than 2 weeks since we moved, and we're already certain it's the best decision we've made since arriving in Spain.

[Colinm]

Deb, I noticed this driving school car in Velez Malaga. They do driving lessons in English.
http://www.torcal.es/publico/index.jsp?id=2

[katy]

We've also found living in an area with more expats is better for us (although we wouldn't want to live in a "Brit enclave"). Learning spanish and trying to get to know native speakers is all very well, but sometimes you just want to relax and have a chat in your own language without struggling to understand or make yourself understood. Not an issue, of course, if you speak spanish, but I think most of us move over here with limited, if any, language skills.

I think that is so true. What sort of a real conversation can you have unless fluent. I often wonder when posters say they don't want to be near any Brits. Much as I love my OH I like to have friends of my own, not be joined at the hip. One friend (now in UK) used to live close to P. Banus. She drove everywhere on the coast and was fine. They moved inland and the approach was very scary with some sheer ravines. Not only did she stop driving, no one else liked the drive to the house so no visitors. I could not live easy having to rely on OH just to drive me around when I wanted to pop to the hairdresser etc.

[Mowser]

Katy

How fluent would you say you are in Spanish? I'm OK talking one to one when I can see lips move. I'm OK-ish understanding the TV. I'm like a stumbling buffoon when I'm talking to a Spaniard on the phone.
I bumped into a couple from Valladolid a few months back and after speaking to them I was in 7th Heaven. The accent was pure and they spoke at a reasonable speed. As far as the campesinos are concerned, I struggle.