I AM SO SICK OF THIS

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waterlily
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I AM SO SICK OF THIS

Postby waterlily » Wed Jan 16, 2008 12:04 pm

I have posted before about this subject but, having moved the family to what i thought may be a better area for them I am back at square 1 again. I'm talking about School bullying. I have had to remove my middle daughter from her school again and she now has private education. Something we can ill afford, however, for our kids we make sacrifices of course. My youngest daughter joined a school and has made a few freinds. The last couple of weeks she has been very quiet and refused to say what was bothering her. Having picked her up from school yesterday I witnessed her being slapped aound the face by a much bigger boy. I was furious. The parent of the boy sniggered when confronted and dismissed me and my daughter as English Pigs!!! Her Teacher was even less concerned and said 'It is expected'......I am furious. Apparently this has been going on for a while, she showed me bruises that she has from 3 boys in the same class. What the hell do I do...I am extremely upset and very very angry. My kids have tried to intigrate by various means, thier Spanish is very good so its not as if they and indeed we, have not tried.
So what do I do now? Send my daughter back to a school that is affecting her whole personality and making her live in constant fear or break the law and have her educated privately with a tutor? She is 9 years old.
I am so angry right now and I apologise for ranting and the grammar.

Waterlily

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princess peach
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Postby princess peach » Wed Jan 16, 2008 12:37 pm

oh you poor Mum,i do sympathise with you and your family..
You mentioned that the teacher was less concerned..have you been to speak to the head of school?
If you get no joy,i would either consider moving schools(if thats possible)
or maybe i dont want to say this..moving back to UK..
Have you asked your daughter why these boys are being so nasty to her?
I speak for myself on this,but im sure other English parents with children in spanish schools will feel the same..-We automatically get on the agressive"its because we are english"that they are nasty to us..when infact sometimes it isnt-it happens in every school,to most children,regardless of race.
If it was my daughter,i would give her self defence lessons(to give her a little confidence)and say..if they are big enough to hit you ,they are big enough to take the consequences back..you have tried with the parents,and the teacher...i would try speaking with the head,if you get no joy,explain to the head that..im sorry,If you are not prepared to do anything,you give me no option but to support my daughter should she wish to fight back...
Im sure others will say im wrong,but myself as a parent ,if you have tried everything else,you are left with little choice..she will come across situations like this all through school,if she learns to stick up for herself,they will soon find someone else to slap about...kids are so horrible.im sorry,i hope you get this sorted out.
Last edited by princess peach on Wed Jan 16, 2008 1:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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petert74
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Bully

Postby petert74 » Wed Jan 16, 2008 12:42 pm

You have nothing to apologise for, your right to share your experience with on the forum.

I have two young children both born in Spain and who will be entering the Spanish school system soon.

Both have blonde hair and blue eyes and Im worried that they too will be suffer as they are a minority.

Id talk head mistress and maybe the local police.

Please do let us know how it is resolved. Good luck!!!

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princess peach
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Postby princess peach » Wed Jan 16, 2008 12:54 pm

petert74 wrote:
Both have blonde hair and blue eyes and Im worried that they too will be suffer as they are a minority
My son has blonde hair and grey blue eyes,he has been in spanish school now for a few years.we have always encouraged him to mix with the spanish children(not english-after all these will be friends for life-we are hopefully here forever).He has never had any problems whatsoever,he has lots of spanish friends,and he is quite quiet,but will stick up for himself if provoked.the only problem he has ever had is with a grotty neglected English kid...and even then his spanish friends were behind him all the way.
Dont worry,the spanish children are generally very warm and friendly..
they will be fine..my son was happy after day one of spanish school,and he only had a few spanish lessons before going at the age of 9 :wink:
He now goes to "big school"(since sept)where i thought it may change for him,but he seems happy enough. :wink:
dont worry.

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Cassandra
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Postby Cassandra » Wed Jan 16, 2008 1:02 pm

Good advice from PP, much what I would have said but having no experience of children in school here I don't know what the norm is. It's true it happens everywhere though. We moved home in the UK many years ago and my son went from a happy outgoing child to a quiet introvert because he was being bullied at his new school. We had only moved 11 miles!

There is life beyond it, he's now a well adjusted 24 yr old and the bully once knelt in the mud at a local music festival to apologise to him when they were both around 18/19 :shock: but that's no help to you now.

You can only go on your instinct as a mother. When it happened to my son a change of head at the school he was at helped enormously and as he was due to go to senior school the following year we left him there but on the advice of teachers sent him to the opposite senior school to the one the majority of the kids went to. Sound advice, he left the bullies behind and as the intake was from about 10 different local junior schools they were all new and in the same boat.

Hope you get it sorted.

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Postby jennyshaw » Wed Jan 16, 2008 2:19 pm

Waterlily, this reminds me of an incidence from my childhood but on a slightly different side.

My sister who is 2 years younger than me was bullied by a teacher. it was "alright" to do it then back in the 50's. this was when teachers could hit children, anyway one particular teacher used to chastise my sister quite a lot and on one particular day she hit my sister harder than she should have, my sister told me and i promptly told our mother who promptly the next morning came in to my class took me to my sisters class and asked me if that was the teacher that had hit my sister, of course I said yes, my mother then told me to wait outside. but she forgot that the upper half of the door was glass and I could see everything, she went straight up to the teacher in front of the class and said to my sister is this the teacher that hit you my sister said yes, my mother said every time you hit my daughter I will hit you she then took a full swing and hit her with her fist knocking her down, to which the class let out a cheer, I will always remember this, I don't know of the outcome. and I'm not saying you do this, but there are ways and means to deal with bullies.

Does your daughter have any friends that could get together and stand up to this bully? whats the saying about people in numbers.
Jenny

Campo Kenny

Postby Campo Kenny » Wed Jan 16, 2008 2:36 pm

The post made my blood boil and I feel sorry for this obviously nice lady.
My original answer would probably not have helped the situation but Jenny's post has prompted me to write anyway.

Bullying in the UK like a lot of other PC hot potatoes is a little bit vague as far as I can see.........i.e. you now hear kids claiming to be "victims" if a classmate calls them fat, or skinny or ginger :roll: ......that's not bullying IMHO.it's growing up.
This case is different, it's a big lad picking on a little girl apparantly and for the teacher to shrug shoulders at it defies belief and makes my **** boil.

I'd sort this my own way but again it's not worth me sounding off as one mans solution is not perhaps suitable for anothers.

One of them needs to be humbled for this to stop.
It's a pity, I've got a horrible little nephew I'd like to lend to you for a few days to grab this kid by his *beep* ears and make him repeat "I am a Chica"

Really hope you get some help or backup on this one love.....seriously I do.

Regards,

Kenny

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Postby JET » Wed Jan 16, 2008 2:48 pm

I have had similar but with an english child, although the spanish children can be a bit rough. I think your best action is to see the Director, if he she doesn't care then give up on the school. I did and moved them to another one with a decent Director who cares.

Hope you get sorted

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Postby costapacket » Wed Jan 16, 2008 3:11 pm

I agree with the above post. Then I would do my best to find out WHY both children have become victims of bullying.

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avellana
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Postby avellana » Wed Jan 16, 2008 3:32 pm

It is against the educational policy of the Junta de Andalucia to condone or allow bullying to take place.

ALL parents of school age children should read the booklet produced in English as well as French, Chinese, Russian, Rumanian, Polish, Arabic, Bulgarian, Portuguese and Spanish (castellano). It was published in September 2006.

http://tinyurl.com/26ounu

This is a link to a piece of legislation(?) in Spanish dated 15th February 2007 regarding education for immigrant children.

http://tinyurl.com/yqeebh

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dido72
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Postby dido72 » Wed Jan 16, 2008 4:32 pm

Please don't just back down and move your childs school again, go higher, get a mediator who is impartial and bilingual and get to the bottom of the problem, it is not acceptable for your child to be physically abused by anyone...bigger boy or smaller girl, keep going until it stops, obviously this child is just like his mother!!!!!

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Postby j4mes » Wed Jan 16, 2008 5:18 pm

we had a few small issues with my 6 yr old son at his school in La cala. nothing major, but he had a couple of scraps with his "friends" (nothing to worry about really, just 6 yr olds establishing thier own hierarchy) however in one of these "little" instances my son scratched the face of another child, prompting the parent to come and talk to me (how terrible did i feel, never had that before!!).

We were both very mature caring parents and despite the fact that it was my son in the wrong this time, I really felt that the "little" scraps that were occuring were a result of the schools lack of a)proper supervision of the children and b) inadequate dealing with the little scraps allowing them to escalate to the point where things got violent.

I took it vey seriously (my logic being if this is them at 6, and this is allowed to continue what will it be like when they are 14!!!)...Anyway i wrote a "formal" letter to the school director explaining my concerns, pointing out that they had a duty of care to all the children in the school. I told them how i thought it was inappropriate for more than 100 children to be supervised by only one teacher at breaktime, and that i felt the teachers needing educating on how to prevent little issues escalating. I presented this to the school in spanish with full support of a couple of members of the school board. I also took great care to make sure my letter was a recommendation of improvement rather than to be too critical of the staff (after all the kids are still going to attend the school and last thing we wanted was to make matters worse!) The director (whilst embarrased) took it on board and was/is keen to always improve things.

Subsequently the proceedures were changed, staff break rosters were amended allowing for 2/3 teachers now to supervise each playground and I find the teachers now pay more attention to the pushing and shoving that used to create the scraps.

I haven't had a problem since, and the changes have benefitted all (i find generally the spanish kids much more rough and tumble than those i encountered in the UK, and indeed the teachers far more accepting of this), however i think now they see the improvement....

Change takes time, and for a fairly "new" educational system they are getting there.

My advice would be to "formally" write to the director again highlighting the schools duty of care, and your preparedness to make an even more formal (denouncia) complaint of assault if things are not managed better by the staff.

As mentioned in a previous post, whilst there may be some teachers/directors even schools with a mentality thats still dragging itself into the real world, in general the authorities/system do care. I feel confident the Junta would take something like this very seriously if the school doesnt.

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Postby scarlet » Wed Jan 16, 2008 10:13 pm

Be careful when telling your child to fight back, my son was at senior school,and was bullied for around months, he has been in spanish education since the age of eight, one day he had enough and walloped the ringleader,who walloped him back, within 10 minuted my husband and myself were accused of kicking the boy in the head, my husband drove off to get the police, and I was the surrounded by a large group of 15 year olds all yelling in my face, then the cousin arrived on his scooter, he was trying to hit me and he was foaming at the mouth. The teachers would not help as they were also scared. the cousin also had a chisel. the outcome was that we were taken to court and the case was thrown out. my son was also taken to court and fied 200 euros, many spanish will try to get you to hit them in a row, so they can take you to court and they get money. the moral of the story is never hit a spanish person, no matter how hard the try to goad you.
jan

j4mes
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Postby j4mes » Thu Jan 17, 2008 11:21 am

I was as a child told to fight back.....One day (when i was around 13) this 16 yr old boy (who had been terrorising me and my mates for months) chased me on my bike...I started to ride off, then heard the voice in my head telling me that bullies are cowards and to stand up for myself.

So I turned my bike around, jumped off grabbed the kid by the hair (I was planning to pull his head down far enough to be able to stick my knee straight in his face in one swift movement (having seen this effective move on TV many times), however when I pulled his head downwards, he simply resisted which wasn't difficult with his superior strength (which thwarted my idea) and then proceeded to repeatedly punch me in the chops!!)......Earned a fair bit of credibility from the kids my own age for standing up to the guy, but also earned 2 black eyes!!!!!!!!!

Then a few years ago I stood up to a gang of "hoodies" in the UK who were verbally abusing an asian shop keeper in a shop I was in, out of nowhere one of them smashed me on the head with a 1 litre bottle full of alchopop causing me to spend the night in casualty, resulting in 14 external stiches, 12 internal stiches and a pretty nasty scar on my foreheard! (all this while my wife and two small childen waited at home for me!)....

My kids are now 6 & 7 and I always always tell them to avoid getting involved in violence at ALL costs (again despite the fact I was a bit of a tearaway myself) because I think it only take ONE moment to either a) recieve a fatal blow or b) to unintentionally make one......I also think with the way the world is (and was it like this when we were younger or is it just the perspective changes with age and maturity???) too many people will stab, shoot, club you to death for daring to challenge them....So much better to walk away and deal with the feeling that you "could have done more/stood up for yourself....* My only exception to this rule would be to aid another human being whose life was in serious threat....

twiggy
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Postby twiggy » Thu Jan 17, 2008 7:57 pm

I have a 6 year old boy in spanish school and find it a continuous balancing act. The children are much rougher, even when playing, than in the uk. I agree that the teachers 'let them get on with it' a lot of the time. It's very difficult to know if you should tell them to fight back or risk being bullied. :(

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Raquel
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Postby Raquel » Thu Jan 17, 2008 8:05 pm

Waterlily I'm so sorry this is still happening, as you know my daughter also endured this violence in Spanish schools. It makes me feel sick and so angry. It was January two years ago that I was forced to remove my daughter from school for her own safety. http://www.andalucia.com/forums/viewtop ... t=bullying
The headmistress didn't give a damm and her experiences sound oh so similar to your daughters. Tbh she has adjusted great to school in England and is really happy but her experiences have affected her deeply..she is gradually getting back her self esteem but has to attend social skills and anger management workshops courtesy of her new school to help her deal with her past. When she sees Spaniards on the TV she gets angry and even though she is fluent in Spanish she refuses to speak it.
All I can say is be careful with your kids as it will affect their long term sanity and life..also one of my main concerns was that if she feared school so much (and she did) she would end up being a drop out and under achieving.
I wish you all the best and really do hope you find a good solution to this awful situation.

Just have to say to those who think the bullying is because of lack of intergration please open your eyes...my daughter was well and truly intergrated into Spanish life she spent six years of her life from the age of five in Spanish schools, could speak it fluently, went to all the fiestas, ferias, made her holy communion etc....I personaly think this is down to racism..if not why call her a guiri everyday of her life, ugly, white etc????

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avellana
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Postby avellana » Thu Jan 17, 2008 9:14 pm

I remember the postings well, Raquel.
When I read this post yesterday I was fairly sure that when this subject had come up before an anti-bullying website had been mentioned.

I've checked through your thread and found:-
http://www.acosoescolar.info/index.htm

I posted a reply yesterday about information produced by the Junta de Andalucia.
It is against the educational policy of the Junta de Andalucia to condone or allow bullying to take place.

ALL parents of school age children should read the booklet produced in English as well as French, Chinese, Russian, Rumanian, Polish, Arabic, Bulgarian, Portuguese and Spanish (castellano). It was published in September 2006.

http://tinyurl.com/26ounu

This is a link to a piece of legislation(?) in Spanish dated 15th February 2007 regarding education for immigrant children.

http://tinyurl.com/yqeebh
I wish there was an easy answer for anyone of any age who suffers from being bullied.

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princess peach
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Postby princess peach » Fri Jan 18, 2008 7:53 am

my boy came home yesterday from school,and said there was a fight at school between a girl and boy...aparently she was teasing the boy-calling him fat etc...she then spat at him,and scratched his face-what a disgusting little "girl"(and i use the phrase lightly)..these children were both spanish....it works both ways doesnt it. :cry:


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