URGENT - can anyone help please?

[Miro]

I've lost count of the number of times I did the mercy dash only to get there and find my father sitting up in bed eating his tea, having been at deaths door 6 hours earlier!

....and the problem is not so much going, as coming back. How long do you stay? They may seem fine, or at least not getting any worse, but you are always terrified that the moment you leave to go home, they relapse. Or you get another call, and do the mad dash again. But you can't stay forever....can you?

[Jool]

Scot, I did not find you too expressive....and sharing some experiences or info around health issues can be very supportive so please just be you...we are all different...I hate facebook etc and never use it but a forum like this or others does allow appropriate sharing.......

[Lavanda]

Facebook could well be childish, Katy, but also, I think, rather sinister. I registered for Facebook (I must have been bored that day) and found lots of people lined up to be 'my friend' (yes, yes, I know, but it's true). This alarmed me rather a lot. Then Facebook seemed to ask if it could take my address book and start making connections with other people in whose address book I featured. Too intrusive by half. I de-registered right away. Not before, at every step, Facebook was asking me why I wanted to de-register. No. It's all too ghastly to contemplate. There were people lined up to be my 'friend' I didn't even know. I'd rather have enemies by choice than 'friends' under compulsion.

[Scot]

Thanks all - isn't it strange how we connect with each other through words? I have decided who I'd be friends with on this forum if I was to meet in real life and have visions of what you all look like

[oliveview01]

Can you imagin me in 6 months please Scot? I´m trying to lose some weight before I go to weddings in France and Madrid

[Scot]

Oh no - there'll be nothing left of you

[janda_grant2]

[quote][quote="Miro"]....and the problem is not so much going, as coming back. How long do you stay? They may seem fine, or at least not getting any worse, but you are always terrified that the moment you leave to go home, they relapse. Or you get another call, and do the mad dash again. But you can't stay forever....can you?

No you can't. I ended up having to leave my father who'd had a stroke but didn't die straight away. My husband refused to believe he wouldn't get better (eating sandwiches scenario) and after a week work was getting twitchy. He lived for 12 days. My mother died whilst I was on a holiday she insisted I took, so in the end I missed them both. You can never get it quite right.

[Scot]

I can't sleep when my mother comes to stay - she's 85 years old and I'm worried sick something happens to her overnight when she's here. She's very positive and in great health . My daughter who's 9 usually goes in to waken her up in the morning with a kiss on the cheek. My mother usually puts her teeth in early morning in anticipation of this apart from last time when she slept in. My daughter ran out of the bedroom. I asked did she kiss nana good morning to which she replied, no, not today - I didn't like the look of her! The joys of old age

[Jool]

Elizabeth Kubler Ross did a lot of research on dying and loss and bereavement as she worked in that field all her life in hospices etc and it was very clear that people often wait until loved ones are NOT there as the pull to stay in this world and be with them stops a graceful passing. It even applies to children too.

I´m now back in the school playground wondering if I would be a chosen one Olive!!

[tjtops]

I wasn't going to get embroiled in this one, but I'm afraid the unbelievably sanctimonious attitudes of some people (they know who they are!!) have left me seething!

We all know what we SHOULD do in an ideal world but hey, whoop-di-doo, not everyone lives in that perfect Marbella bubble from whence they can immediately dash off and do their 'duty', know that 112 works in England or have family/friends to help/advise them, blah blah blah.
I may be naive, but I never suspected the original was a hoax post; I just felt for someone who was desperately trying to get sound advice from people over here who they thought (ha!) would know the ropes. Does it never dawn on you holier-than-thou brigade that some people are genuinely looking for advice, and that they come across this forum as a possible source of it????
Not everyone has other family members to step in -- here or in UK ; not everyone knows or understands the system, not everyone has pliable elderly rellies who do as they are told (!); not everyone is in a position to drop everything and go...OK, if I'm wrong I'm wrong.
Admin edit

[HKM]

Further to my posts last weekend my Grandfather passed away at 5am this morning in his sleep..

We were very close, but I was not there, nobody was.. It was 5am...

I am not seeking sympathy, I will say my goodbyes when I see him tomorrow..

But some of you please try to be a bit more sensative when other people are in need of help..

[oliveview01]

So sorry HKM about your grandfather. Hope everything goes ok for you.

[Scot]

tjtops - I'm glad you did post and I agree with you wholeheartedly

HKM - thinking of you

emgin - how did you get on?

[IreneD]

Couldn't pass by without offering my condolences, HKM. I hope it is some comfort to know your grandfather passed away in his sleep. My mum did as well, after a long illness, and it helped me a lot.

Like many others on this thread, I feel for Emgin, she seems genuine to me. tjtops, my thoughts exactly, well said.

[tjtops]

HKM..my condolences
Emgin -- hope you are sorted
Other peeps...thanks for the support!!!

[Jool]

HKM - I am glad your grandfather had what sounds like a peaceful passing....and I am sorry if some of the posts on here added to your grief. I totally agree with you

please try to be a bit more sensative when other people are in need of help..

as there does seem to be a culture of judging people on this forum when we are all different and have different ways of coping with things.......I too found Emgin genuine and in a bit of a spin as it was all too much to deal with. No matter how prepared we may think we are when it happens its often at a time when we may have a lot going on and all our plans of what we will do when X happens go out the window with the sudden stress around. So she did what she thought was best.

[tjtops]

Hear hear Jool.
As I said before, not everyone is within reach of information that some forum posters seem to take for granted, and not everyone can think clearly in such a distressing situation, particularly if they have no other family members to support them and are receiving conflicting reports of events.
Long live the forum -- that is what I understood it to be there for; I just hope genuine people won't be put off asking perhaps really emotive questions because of the unsympathetic and downright insulting attitudes of a few....

[Paula]

I would assume that Emgin is still out here with her Dad, I think she would have updated this thread if back near her computer. In amongst the thread there were some good advice posts that hopefully either helped her now or will do for the future. Problem with posting anything personal on any forum is that you may not like the content of all replies.

Scot - laughed out loud at your daughter not liking the look of your mum minus teeth

[lucy5]

That's helpful!

I hope your Dad is ok.

[ozzie]

Hi all,

I am a little worried over the confusion there seems to be over the 112 number. It is a Europe wide emergency services number but you cannot dial 112 in the UK and report a problem in Spain (you can dial it to report an emergency in the UK though. When you dial 112 this goes through to a regionl (usually provincial eg: Cadiz, Malaga, Granada etc) coordination centre which is shared by reopresentatives of all emergency services and overseen by a centre coordinator. Operators do speak various languages. Origionaly you had to dial 061 for a medical emergency, 062 for Guardia Civil etc., now it is just the 112 for all services to avaoid confusion and assure the correct response level. This is similar to the 911 in USA or 999 in UK. 112 is desigened so that all EU residents, regardless of where they are know which number to dial, but it is area specific.

I hope your father is well and that this info has shed some light on things.