So far I have not had the courage to send it and a friend of ours is so distraught at the thought of endless summer visitors that she has sold her villa and bought a one-bed apartment!
“Dear all,
Yes, of course, we would love to see you again this year, but there have been a few changes:
1) You will have to hire a car from the airport as we no longer do free airport pickups and deliveries.
2) Day-time flights only; we go to bed at midnight, so no middle of the night flights (however cheap).
3) We no longer compete with the all-inclusive hotel holiday deals. We do not provide free breakfast, lunch and dinner together with all-day snacks and, of course, alcoholic refreshments. We will, of course, tell you where the best Menus del Día can be found.
4) We do not have a live-in maid, so you will be responsible for making your bed, mopping the floor and keeping the bathroom clean.
5) We do not provide a laundry service so please bring your own hand, bath and beach towels.
6) Our daily, free sightseeing trips to local sights of interest have been cancelled because we are sick to death of looking at the same caves and views etc over and over again. We will provide maps and information for you to explore on your own.
7) Our free telephone service to the UK has been suspended; use your own mobiles.
You may be on holiday and want to stay out till 3am, but we live here and keep reasonable hours - please be quiet when coming home.9) Should you wish to spend time lazing round our pool and prefer to stay in we shall expect help with food preparations, shopping etc; we will also operate a joint kitty, from which all food and drink shopping costs, petrol for joint trips etc will be deducted.
10) We are retired and living on our pensions which, due to the awful exchange rate, are decreasing each month - so we were considering coming over to you for two weeks this year!
What dates did you say you were booking?”
We had a family member who came over last year for two weeks’ recuperation in the sun after suffering a minor stroke. We told him we were not prepared to be nursemaids and that at the first sign of any illness he would be taken to the hospital; this did not deter him and he arrived with his bag of pills and, of course, we had to collect him from the airport.
As he would be at home with us for the two weeks we asked him for a financial contribution to the kitty (see above!). He looked quite shocked and said: “What do you want the money for?”
No doubt your readers have similar visitor horror stories!
Our best mates came over last year and opted to stay in a small seafront hotel, about 20 minutes away.
This was great as we saw them when it suited us all, and we all had independence and a super time. These are real friends!!
Frankie Horn Emailed letter
how many people would have the cojones to tell these things to a memeber of family i wonder ?? lol
Wife arrived on the Fri met my brother in law and moved in with him 
on the Mon OH and kids arrived and I had to say what had happened!! she spent the next month partying while I had the suicidal husband and the kids camped out with me!you have no idea what it was like 
