Friends we make in Spain

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Scot
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Friends we make in Spain

Postby Scot » Tue Dec 16, 2008 6:55 pm

I've spent 42 years of my life in various places in the UK and 5 years in Spain. Obviously, I've met all kinds of different people - happy, sad, upbeat, mean........ I don't recall "falling out" with anyone (mad cousin apart) over anything, even our kids! I've made the decision to "dump" various friends I've made here recently as I have found them to be insincere (I've recently been "dumped" myself :oops: ). I don't know what it is about here, but I'm finding a strange breed of Brits! I have met most of these families through work or school and don't live in an area thats typically British. Do people change character when they come to live here? I'm open to the fact it may be me and wondering if I'm doing something wrong?

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Re: Friends we make in Spain

Postby julian » Tue Dec 16, 2008 7:04 pm

maybe we all get a bit more fussy and choosy as to who we want as friends as we get older !!

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Re: Friends we make in Spain

Postby Lavanda » Tue Dec 16, 2008 7:05 pm

I think it's the Siege Mentality, Scot. Don't worry, there are loads of nice people (like all of us on this site). More than enough to make up for the nutters.

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Re: Friends we make in Spain

Postby Julie » Tue Dec 16, 2008 7:15 pm

I also am of the opinion that some of the British we have met in Spain are not on our wave length, I feel that some appear to reinvent themselves, which I find strange, if I meet people now, I think to myslf, would I want to be friends with them if I was in Uk, if the answer is no, then I don,t bother in Spain either there are no other Brits live in our village, but there are quite a lot about 40 mins away in Albunol.
No soporto ver la casa sucia, ahora mismo me levanto y apago la luz.

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Re: Friends we make in Spain

Postby Bandy » Tue Dec 16, 2008 7:48 pm

Where are you based Scot? Perhaps your area has a higher population of Brits than elsewhere compared to others on the forum. Our area for example is 5% expats dotted around the campo with all fully integrated etc etc
is the sun over the yardarm yet ?

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Re: Friends we make in Spain

Postby Paula » Tue Dec 16, 2008 8:01 pm

I have made some good friends without really trying. I think the problem is some people try too hard and before they know it they are stuck with bunches of people that they normally would not entertain. A lot of people invite folks around for dinner after meeting twice. I've witnessed some major league fallouts between groups that would put schoolkids to shame, what with the name calling etc. I've listened to endless boring group conversations where everyone is out to impress with what a perfect and successful life they have led.
I think its always best to take it slowly, and don't give out too much information. The people you may have something in common with will soon stick out from the crowd.

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Re: Friends we make in Spain

Postby princess peach » Tue Dec 16, 2008 8:22 pm

I have made some really lovely friends here,nicer than the ones i have left behind in UK.real genuine friends here.Whether its because you are all here in a foreign country together i dont know.
I also avoid some like the plague,as lots here(near Gib)like to go out on the razz,and are in debt up to their eyeballs,and on the run from various crimes and debt in UK..Not the kind of people i like to associate myself with. :?

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Re: Friends we make in Spain

Postby Scot » Tue Dec 16, 2008 8:28 pm

Bandy I live east of Malaga near Rincon. I hardly meet any Brits and need to speak Spanish locally. As far as I know, there are 2 other British families in my immediate area. Yep, met the Reinventors (theyve just moved west to La Cala de Mijas - watch out!) and the Nutters. Small world - isn't it? Yes, I did try too hard at first and would long to speak to someone in my mother tongue but now I'm not so desperate. I have a small group of friends that I'm happy with but find I'm a little cynical now which makes me quite sad. I've always thought I had good qualities but choosing friends doesn't seem to be one of them :( Julian, your right - quality not quantity :lol:

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Re: Friends we make in Spain

Postby katy » Tue Dec 16, 2008 8:30 pm

We have a few close friends with who we feel comfortable with. Have made some mistakes though, some people living here really have some serious hang-ups. (why do all the nutters come to Spain!)What I have noticed (Inland or Costa)is the large groups of ex-pats that tend to meet in some bar at lunchtime, you can see them all congregating at the same place, lots of false kisses...they think they are integrating :?

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Re: Friends we make in Spain

Postby Lavanda » Tue Dec 16, 2008 8:45 pm

That made me laugh, Katy, as it's so true.

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Re: Friends we make in Spain

Postby v.dubber » Tue Dec 16, 2008 8:56 pm

Thats spot on Katy. We dont live in spain yet, but spend any spare time that we can there. Weve noticed what you say. I also find it amusing how many 'experts' there are and how many there are on various Spanish forums. Funny. :)

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Re: Friends we make in Spain

Postby pietree » Tue Dec 16, 2008 8:59 pm

Its a shame, but it seems to me, that most Brits will be your friend while they think they can screw you for some cash, when they realise they cant they go searching elsewhere
Thats it for now

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patchdog
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Re: Friends we make in Spain

Postby patchdog » Tue Dec 16, 2008 9:21 pm

I agree that some brits change character when coming over here, one person said to me is the first thing they did, was to find a brit to run to. I do the opposite, I tend to runaway from brits.Its proved a sensible policy up to now as those Ive ran away from have been seen to punch each other and shout obsenities at other brits in pubs. This does not make me popular with any of the brits, so the policy is really working well for me. A spanish friend introduced me to an english couple who have similar thoughts and an easy friendship is nuturing. I was shown arround properties when I first came here and found that I was offered properties by english estate agents the same properties were at least 10per cent less when offered by a spanish estate agent. My new friends voiced the same thoughts and I think when I expressed these thoughts to other brits who had not bought from spanish agents my unpopularity amongst the brits was sealed, so you could say everything is going well for me.

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Re: Friends we make in Spain

Postby Jool » Tue Dec 16, 2008 9:43 pm

most Brits will be your friend while they think they can screw you for some cash, when they realise they cant they go searching elsewhere
,

definitely, "builders", IFA´s, Agents, odd job people, and including bar owners who "are so nice and welcoming to us every time we go there" (and stumble out hours later and about 50 euros poorer)

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Re: Friends we make in Spain

Postby Scot » Tue Dec 16, 2008 10:12 pm

Think that money, or should I say the lack of it, is a huge part of the problem. A lot of folk here are pretty desperate and I feel that, perhaps, this changes their character a little. I've been ripped off several times here and don't think I'm a particularly naive person. Worked for two companies here who haven't fulfilled their promises (eh, I' d like to be paid for working) and paid my car insurance in full for the year to a broker in Mijas pueblo who ran off with my money leaving me uninsured for several months! However, still happy here (even tho I'm freezing and just opened the bottle of Xmas wine - hic).

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Re: Friends we make in Spain

Postby oliveview01 » Tue Dec 16, 2008 10:44 pm

In our previous village we had British neighbours who were great to start off with, very helpful, even if their information was incorrect. :( In the end they made our lives hell, we moved away and have never been happier, if only they knew how they did us a BIG favour by being so nasty :lol: All cos we wanted to do things our way and not theirs :shock: Since then we have been very careful as to who we have made freinds with. I would say we only have 2 families of good friends (British) and half a dozen Spanish families who we are gradually becoming more friendly with.
As you say, if you wouldn´t mix with folk in the UK why mix with them here?

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patchdog
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Re: Friends we make in Spain

Postby patchdog » Wed Dec 17, 2008 8:34 am

[quote="oliveview01"]In our previous village we had British neighbours who were great to start off with, very helpful, even if their information was incorrect. :( In the end they made our lives hell, we moved away and have never been happier, if only they knew how they did us a BIG favour by being so nasty :lol: All cos we wanted to do things our way and not theirs :shock: Since then we have been very careful as to who we have made freinds with. I would say we only have 2 families of good friends (British) and half a dozen Spanish families who we are gradually becoming more friendly with.
As you say, if you wouldn´t mix with folk in the UK why mix with them here?[ ere ere]

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Re: Friends we make in Spain

Postby IreneD » Wed Dec 17, 2008 2:47 pm

I am finding this a very interesting thread, as making friends when we move over to live in Spain is important to me. I have very few friends in the U.K. - mainly friends I've known most of my life, or funnily enough a handful I've met on forums and have become good friends with in 'real life'. I'm not very good at the 'lighter' type of friendships, I don't mean superficial exactly....... I suppose I like to really get to know people, meeting groups in bars fills me with horror! Lol!

I have a large family, 3 married daughters and 7 grandchildren so my biggest worry is missing their company - not that we live in each others pockets but I could be with any of them if I wanted to in an hour and a half max, and some live locally.

Anyway, just joining in with my little ramble and I am seeing like-minded people here, which is very encouraging. Hope to meet some of you for real next year. (Don't be scared! Lol!)

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Re: Friends we make in Spain

Postby katy » Wed Dec 17, 2008 3:12 pm

The worse for me is when you go out to dinner with Friends say, Tuesday, and on leaving say 'what are you doing Sunday' I feel trapped and commited. People latch on here because they have more time on their hands and sadly some seem scared to be alone as a couple. I enjoy knowing a lot of people, the sort you run into and have a 10 min catch up without complications.

Re-inventing is funny though, almost everyone ran their own company in the UK :roll: One psuedo rich Guy who had done everything didn't know what a lot of things on the menu were!

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Re: Friends we make in Spain

Postby Paula » Wed Dec 17, 2008 3:25 pm

katy wrote: One psuedo rich Guy who had done everything didn't know what a lot of things on the menu were!
Maybe he had been so busy getting rich he didn't have time to eat :lol:

We are also friends with a few people that don't live in Spain fulltime but visit every 6 weeks or so. All lovely people but a problem in that I feel responsible for their properties when they are not here as I started off obviously being too helpful!! It now takes me quite a few hours a week doing things related to the properties. They are very grateful but I feel obliged now. Also as they are always on "holiday" when they come they want to party every other night.
The biggest friend mistake I made was about 5 years ago, found they were using our car for a week everytime I visited UK
:shock:


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